South by Southwest was amazing. I met so many great people, had such a great time and learned so much. I also got asked a LOT of questions about the world of dating. Almost everyone I met, when I said I was a dating coach, either asked for my card or asked me an interesting question about dating. Mostly I end up being very gentle and reassuring that the person I’m talking to is awesome and they can totally get laid. But every once in a while I need to clear someone’s ego out of the way in order for them to have what they want.

Last night we were at a party and a couple of guys walked up to us. We chatted and one guy asked what I do for a living. I told him I am a dating coach and he says:

“Awesome, maybe you can help me with this problem. How do I get my girlfriend to start coding? [Yes. Coding. This IS a geek conference after all.] I think if she could code we could have something in common to talk about.”

This is what I told him and it’s a good reminder for all of us about what it takes to be attractive to someone else.

“You don’t get your girlfriend to start coding. If you want something in common with her, you should start doing something she likes and stop being an asshole.”

He laughed and told me I was being too harsh. He said he thought she might secretly like coding. I told him that maybe she does and if he does something she likes then if she actually wants to start coding, then she may be more inclined to do so. “Oh I see,” he says “So this is how I can get her to start coding – by doing something she likes. Then she has to do what I like.”

“No! You don’t get her to do anything! If you want to have something in common, do something she likes! I have no idea if she will start coding, but at least you’ll be a good boyfriend! Stop being an asshole and go find out what your girlfriend likes to do.”

The guys hung out for a minute and then walked away… I think it must have been something I said…

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